Hockey helmets are an important piece of equipment in hockey. Important for safety but most importantly style points. No one wants to be “wears an ugly helmet” guy but unfortunately people wearing these are being made fun of behind their back. We are here to help. You wanna show up to the best tournaments in beer league and look fresh dontcha?
Here are the 5 ugliest hockey helmets beer leaguers can wear. If you have one, trash it.
5. Nike Quest
Theo Fleury is cool. Except for when he wore this hockey helmet in the early 2000’s. Lets face facts, if Theo couldn’t make the Nike Quest look cool then a ratchet ass beer leaguer like yourself sure as hell can’t. This helmet reminds me of the ‘bladers in the move Airborne. Underrated movie for sure but we are playing hockey here Moondoggies.
I know I’m going to be roasted by all the old-school hockey brush here. Sure this hockey helmet is an icon from the 1980’s so were cassette tapes and VHS players. But we aren’t using those anymore are we? If you see a plug wearing one of these at a beer league game you can bet your sweet ass he talks only in Letterkenny quotes. “Hold my spitter, tarps off boys, you looking for a tilley buddy?” Basically what I’m saying if you are wearing this helmet “yer spare parts bud”
I have seen this hockey helmet only one time IRL. I still question if CCM made these helmets as a joke and were surprised as shit when a few benders actually bought these. And when I mean “a few” I mean up until a few years ago HockeyMonkey was selling their unsold stock of these for $10 a pop. “When you’re born to play….. with yourself” should have been the helmet’s tagline because no one wants you on their team if you’re dusty enough to wear this thing.
2. Jofa 390
Jofa really made some hockey helmet stinkers didn’t they? I understand that players like Mats Sundin, Jaromir Jagr, Saku Koivu, and Teemu Selanne wore this (or variations of it) but that doesn’t make the helmet look any less stupid. I guess if you own a motorcycle you can explain owning one of these by claiming you’re saving money because it doubles at a motorcycle helmet too. Remember those NHL guys that wore these? Well they likely got paid endorsement deals to wear them… but you chose to spend your money on it. Why?
1. Any helmet that has this on it
This probably the dumbest thing ever made in hockey, besides those therma-blades Wayne Gretzky , the biggest scumbag in hockey (listen to the podcast for reference), tried to push. If you wanna wear a visor, wear a fucking visor. If you want to wear a full cage then put on a full cage. Don’t look like a plug that just got on the ice last Wednesday by trying to combo them. Your’e trying too hard. It looks silly.
This is an opinion piece so I get that not everyone will agree. But if you disagree you’re likely wrong. If you have an differing opinion or think there is an uglier helmet tweet me and let me know. Also it’s nice to hear when people agree with me as well. Please tweet me for that too.
This is hideous.